the house with the bamboo

two linen canvas paintings created with each other in the forefront of our minds. the bottom piece is detailed using only concrete + pigment. the top piece is detailed using oil + concrete + ground rock pigment (cascade canyon, CA) + plaster.  

the two paintings were then installed into a handcrafted maple wood "canvas" then set in a poplar frame. 17 w x 30 h x 1.5 d.

The natural maple and poplar wood floating frame is the outcome of a vision I had when I set my eyes on a home we saw in California. This modestly sized home was set on the side of this steep cliff with the most mesmerizing and enchanting view of LA. Roughly 900sqft of pure beauty and stunning details that draw you in like she was radiating joy. This home had this gorgeous maple wood siding with mesmerizing grain, alongside these massive textured concrete slab walls. Finishing it off with a solid bronze door, surrounded by bamboo. Cacti set along the front steps, a child's floral backpack sitting on a concrete bench beside the bronze door. I just stood there, speechlessly staring at this home, while a movie reel of Connor and I with our children returning home after a long day played in my head. 

The homeowner was just about to pull up, and we quickly walked away without taking a photo. Even though I didn't snap that photograph, it is imprinted in my mind. It was one of those extremely vivid "Deja Vu" moments where it almost felt like I've lived there before. I took a deep breathe in, my eyes starting to tear without reason, and I said to myself “one day. one day I will return to my home surrounded by bamboo”. 

I have been a constant daydreamer since I could recall my first memories. I would create these wild imaginative stories in my head, some that felt SO real it was hard to convince myself otherwise. I now know a lot of the places I went to while daydreaming was a coping mechanism to escape reality, yet I still vividly remember many of those stories I thought up. I have dreams of some of the story lines I dreamt up as a child, still to this day. I've had daydreams about California that most I truly believed to be romanticized. It wasn't. The air felt lighter there. The sky bluer. I could breathe differently. 

I've run from state to state seeking exile from pain, substances I was abusing, toxic relationships I was too nervous to end, and jobs that were sucking the life out of me. I moved around the east coast searching for answers and that rush from fresh starts that I would eventually realize I would never find. After spending the last couple of years back in Charleston, I had many fleeting moments of urges to "start again". Fighting those urges and planting roots despite discomfort was a key I didn't know I needed to find. A key that would unlock answers to questions I wouldn't ask myself. I started seeking for comfort within, instead of relying on external factors to solve an internal problem. When you allow yourself to stop running and face fear head on you start building a solid foundation within yourself that guides you to decision making without impulse. 

"the house with the bamboo" symbolizes the beauty of patience and intentionally setting goals that are set without attached expectations. The next chapter in life that is rooted in evidence you have collected knowing that I am my own home. I will bring this home wherever I live, no matter the zip code, I cannot run from myself. A vision of a life that is so intentionally and authentically your own that it feels "romanticized". When you stop running from yourself, anything is possible. Daydreams can become reality.