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50w x 50h x 3 depth. canvas housed in a hand crafted cherry pine wood frame. ink + plaster + oil + concrete + pigment from arizona desert rocks + ground crystal quartz + charcoal natural black oxide from the french quarries.
I’ve worked on this painting since New Year’s Eve. Picking up my tools only when I felt like the version of myself I know I can be. I only wanted to work on this piece when I felt centered, connected, confident, present, GRATEFUL, sincere, feeling loved/loving, worthy, trusted, whole, and only while deeply embodying the truth that I am progressing just as I am meant too. Throughout this entire year I had Connor build two different frames, the first frame looked pretty but I didn't feel the wood truly complimented this piece in the way I envisioned. The first time I "finished" this painting (M the only mediums used were ink + plaster + oil. It felt like every time I received new pigment in the mail, or stumbled upon a crystal I felt drawn too, the painting felt incomplete again. Like it needed elements from earth to be complete. I've worked on this piece all year, all the way up until October 5th.
(this was written on New Years day 2022. seeing how much has changed, how much I've grown, how much our business has grew - looking back on the intentions I set is the most powerful way to empower true deep gratitude within myself).
I am changing. I am growing. I am healing. This is not linear. This year will not be easy, but It will be worth it.
this year I will try my hardest (and forgive myself when I fall short):
- I will show myself loving kindness in all areas of my life
- I will take care of/love my inner child as I would any other child. She deserved kindness.
- I will be loving to those around me and remember everyone is fighting a battle I do not see.
- I will be genuine, honest, humble, and vulnerable even when my ego may feel embarrassed
- I will learn and practice new skills that make me feel joy
- I will follow my dreams and get up no matter how many times I may fall
- I will process rejection as new opportunities waiting for me
- I will be my own loving parent.
- I will advocate for myself, my mental health, my physical health, and those I love.
- I will not measure my beauty by the weight on my scale, and identify when I am comparing myself to other women
- I will challenge my intrusive thoughts with real facts and identify deep rooted fears. I will fight self judgement and be completely transparent about them.
- I will not stop sharing my truth until I can inspire others to do the same
- I will create new core beliefs and believe I am worthy of loving, honest, and healthy relationships
- I will take one action a day to accomplish my goal of being a fine artist.
- I will work towards becoming the best version of myself everyday, and will give myself grace when I fall short.
- I will forgive myself
- I will remember I am human
- I will work endlessly to trust my partner and separate him from my past trauma with men.
- I will try new art techniques and find what fills my heart with joy.
- I will not give up on my dreams no matter how large my self doubt grows