dissociation
27 x 50 x 2.5 plaster + ink + oil + concrete + sand + acrylic + pearl mika + ground crystal quartz housed in a hand-crafted poplar wood floating frame-stained espresso.
One of the hardest parts of healing has been reflecting on the years of disconnection and dissociation that was mistaken for recovery. The further I pushed back the memories in my body/mind, the more delusional I became. I confused avoidance with progressive healing. I kept putting off the work and enabled unhealthy toxic core beliefs that were deeply embedded into my subconscious, ruling all my behaviors and reactions. The unhealthy coping methods that developed were destructive behaviors like pushing people away, people pleasing, isolation, overworking, unhealthy compulsive self-soothing gratifications, numbing with substances, eating disorders, fear of abandonment, and self-sabotage. I reacted out of fear of being hurt, fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of vulnerability, fear of being loved, and the greatest fear of never feeling “normal.”
If you have struggled with dissociation, it is not hard to explain feeling disconnected from your own skin and body. How do you explain to someone who has never felt the terrifying sensation of feeling your heartbeat again after hours of feeling separated from yourself. Questioning if you are real, or if this has happened before. Like Deja vu. I unconsciously spent decades in a dissociated state, even while sober, avoiding the truth and the reality that my healing had not even begun yet.
My healing warrants me to welcome discomfort. I spent countless hours working with different therapists, specialists, advocates, sponsors, spiritual leaders, and anyone who knew anything about cPTSD. I was eager to figure out how to grab hold of myself when I started to slip away into the land of avoidance. To be completely honest, the only way I started to profoundly change my behaviors was after reflecting on the immense pain of how exhausted I was from living in the same cycle of avoidance, dissociation, shifting to complete panic.
After years of work, I now walk into the uncomfortable unknown and admit when I am not in a good place. I promise you that the discomfort of facing reality is easier than stuffing it in a box to save for later. I wish I opened those boxes earlier. I recently went through a dark period of depression and regret a few months into meeting my partner wishing I did the healing I needed to prior to meeting him. I have had to decide to trust universal timing. When I reflect on the deep vulnerable conversations with my partner about my trauma, hearing the words release from my body made me more self-aware than if I never had those conversations. In choosing to trust the universe, I bask in the gratitude that I am on a path of self-discovery that was meant to be postponed until I can handle it. I finally find gratitude in healing with my partner by my side, it has helped me learn firsthand how to trust men again.
The structured cities in this painting represent the boxes I stuffed each area of trauma in, unleashing each one by one as I float in my bodies center (represented by the white blurry path between each separate detailed patch). Aiming to keep myself just dis-attached enough to stay anchored in my body, while processing each area utilizing new healthy coping skills. I want my painting “dissociation” to provide a visual appreciation to the complexity of rewiring the nervous system after trauma.
The hanging gear installed to each piece differs by weight, size, and frame type. We install the best quality gear for each work, and quality check by installing the art on our studio walls.
If the painting you are purchasing is going to be hung on a surface that needs a particular type of gear, please reach out so we can make that happen for you.
We are currently offering complimentary shipping for all orders.
Our art is professionally wrapped and shipped by our local fine art shipper who has decades of experience working with fine art and sculpture.
- UPS ground shipping typically takes 3-7 business days.
We can typically wrap the painting ready to ship within 1-3 business days!
Is the wood finish/ tone of the frame keeping you from taking this piece home?
"Help! My furnishings are all dark walnut, can you re-stain the frame?"
Our frames are uniquely crafted to complement and complete each individual piece, tying the entire vision together. Some works have pre-planned frames that we use as a focal point, and inspiration.
We have worked with clients who love a piece but needed a frame with a different stain. Please reach out if the frame does not work with the space this art will call home, we are more than happy to work together to make your art install seamless! May it be a new frame or change of stain, whatever it may be, reach out and we will assist to the best of our ability.
For the rest of the summer, we are offering complimentary ground shipping for all orders- Our art is professionally wrapped and shipped by our local fine art shipper, who has decades of experience working with art and sculpture.
+ ART IN THIS COLLECTION IS READY TO SHIP AND WILL BE ON ITS JOURNEY TO YOU WITHIN 72 HOURS.
+ UPS ground shipping typically takes 3-7 business days.
allow your intuition to guide you.
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